"it's hard, i don't know what to call you anymore." (and this is where we lose our meaning)

start: chair of contents

i. introduction: it's ridiculous
ii. soundtrack: the tunes
iii. something or other: crazy person
iv. more nonsense: lessthanthree lists
v. medleys of melodies: musical mixes
vi. tributes and tchotchke: to love
vii. somewhere else, better: next destination

i. where have i come to?

i already have sites, or semblances of sites, that display what little artistic or creative skills or lack thereof i seem to think i possess. this one which once showcased meaningless self-portraits and quaint little pseudo-charming autobio-profiles has certainly lost its meaning. i'm still, unfortunately, desperately trying to find it, but i don't know where to look. it would be a very unclean lie for me to say that i do not tend to sound pretentious, or that i am noteworthy enough to even warrant a page of nonsense info like this.

but since i figure i might as well use this space for something... well, here it is. scattered with completely pointless information about things i just happen to sporadically feel like writing inane diatribes about. enjoy. (though if you do, may i sincerely call you a bit weird?)

~~(i am currently desperately battling urges to squeeze every single bit onto one page. i'm sure that'll just make this one long, scrolling, endless madness..)~~ all i can say is: oops?

(i can't promise i'll update all the time, though...)

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ii. now playing...

what are these songs doing here and why are they invading your eardrums!?-- must definitely be your current inquiry, i'm sure. and i'm only too happy to answer that, here and now! how exciting.

isn't it?!

anyway, what do these three songs have in common, you ask? well they were the songs i was listening to when i designed this good-for-nothing piece of junk, of course! the music that played during the inspiration and recreation of this silly madness.

o1. SAIKURU (cycle) - Gabriela Robin

this track is from the second wolf's rain soundtrack. i love Gabriela Robin's voice and her music as well, regardless of the fact that i only have (as of this writing) two songs of hers. but those two are two of my favorites! her raspy and ethereal voice and the casual beats in the background give this song a playful feel. and then there's the question (what question? well.. it was rhetorical anyway..) of the meaning. death to rebirth, everything in life (and death) has its cycle. maintaining balance in the universe and all that great stuff. it reminds me personally of the cycle of my hair. once i grow it out to a moderate length i always want to cut it and have short hair, but once i have short hair again, i want to grow it out longer again. it never ends, the cycle.

o2. My Room is White (feat. Mia Doi Todd) - Flying Lotus

i love this kind of music, which is certainly hard to describe and even more difficult to classify or force into the box of a genre. it's the perfect music for inspiration of any sort though, i think.

o3. Monochrome - Ilaria Graziano

another beautiful voice i adore. Ilaria Graziano is an amazing singer and i love the background music. in a way all three of these songs are related through their somewhat odd or at last unique instrumentalization. i also like the lyrics. (i'm often a lyrics type of person when it comes to music..)

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iii. who exactly is behind this ridiculosity?!

people tend to call me by a whole wide (and rather ridiculous range) of words, "sway" being the most common; polaris, suizilla, shuideshui, xiaowei, fei, suifen, byul/byeol, nanashi, McSui/MC SWAY, suinee/suijie, reverie, lady sky, suy, soy, &c. also comprise some of the rest of the bunch. but fortunately you are not just mere "people"-- thus if you wish to call me anything, call me friend.

i haven't written one of these things in a very long time (as i detest using first person outside of journals) and am afraid i barely remember how, eheh. well, since this is ~~a poor excuse for~~ a personal site, i better relearn quickly, huh..

well i guess i'll start with some of the more hackneyed and inane "basics" as per perfunctory..ness.

born in shanghai, china at 9:06 in the morning in the year 19XX on the day 7x in the xth month of the year, where x = the square root of (3)(5)+1. 0XX years of age, and around a hundred and sixty-five centimeters in height. off the top of her head: likes water and the sky, rainbows, black and white, orange, dark red, all other colors, and varying shades of blue.

attending University of California, San Diego as a major in economics and Literature with tentative minor in something else. past and present jobs have included freelance web/graphics designer, secretary, waitress (my personal favorite, even if it almost made less than volunteering-- i worked in china), cashier, salesperson, and drink maker.

possesses many a proclivity for music. art, books, words, language, reading, writing. photography. breathing, learning, living. singing dancing walking running. (and a predilection for) being sesquepedalian and autodidactic. creating words. emit quaint sporadic sound. awkward. solitary. cherish true beauty. stories. bittersweet. poignancy. creativity & compassion. individuals with intelligence. clever diction. discourse. laughter, life, love, epiphany. tears.

holds not many a disinclination, but makes an exception for ignorance and intolerance. strongest sin is (supposedly) envy. has many irritating quirks.

is very much a kid desperately clawing at the world to let her grow up. has faith in God. prefers to explore-- spirituality, et cetera. loves learning languages. chronic insomniac. lives with beautiful friends affectionally dubbed catherine & heathcliff.

is quaint, gauche, ridiculous, and probably best described as sui generis (the former title of this monstrosity).

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iv. lists of all sorts of things

loved, liked preferred, of the moment, all-time favorites, mild interest, take your pick. always under construction, everchanging (new favorites are added frequently).

looking for lists concerning music? there's another section over here!

click each header to view the lists (some are ridiculously long).

novels:
oX. life is funny
oX. My Sister's Keeper
oX. Harry Potter series
oX. I Am Legend
oX. Brave New World
oX. Siddhartha
oX. No one belongs here more than you.
oX. Wuthering Heights
oX. 1984
oX. Lolita
oX. The Orphaned Anything's: a memoir of a lesser known
oX. Wicked

poets:
oX. e.e. cummings
oX. Jeffrey McDaniel
oX. s. christian
oX. Sylvia Plath
oX. Billy Collins
oX. Maya Angelou

plays:
oX. The Glass Menagerie
oX. Hamlet
oX. Antigone
oX. Oedipus Rex
oX. Oedipus at Colonus
oX. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead
oX. The Importance of Being Earnest

anime:
o1. Samurai Champloo
chars: o1. Mugen & Fuu, o3. Jin
ships: Mugen/Fuu (as subtly as implied), the trio's friendship, Jin/Shino
songs: o1. YOU ~himawari~, oX. Shiki no Uta, oX. Battlecry, oX. San
Francisco, oX. hiji zuru STYLE, oX. FLY [SMALL CIRCLE OF FRIENDS]
eps: o6, 18, 23, 24-26
o1. Cowboy Bebop
chars: o1. Spike & Faye, oX. Gren, oX. Ed
ships: Spike/Faye (as subtly as implied), Bebop crew's friendship, Gren/Faye
songs: o1. Blue, oX. Space Lion, oX. Tank!, ...
eps: 12-13, 18, 25-26
o1. X
see below
songs: o1. eX dream, oX. Sadame, oX. Strength, oX. practically all other songs
& the character image files by Kanno Youko
o1. Tokyo Babylon
see below
songs: (these aren't actually in the OVA itself but the character image files)
o1. My Lover, oX. Who's That Boy?, oX. Be My Cinderella, oX. Yuuzai
oX. Rainbow Gossip, oX. Love is Cash, oX. Charlotte no Okurimono,
oX. Before Long, oX. Dancin' in the Babylon
o2. Kiddy Grade
chars: o1. Ekureru, o2. Armbrust, o3. Lumieru
ships: Armbrust/Ekureru
songs: oX. Mirai no Kioku, oX. FUTURE
oX. Wolf's Rain
chars: o1. Kiba, o2. Toboe
songs: o1. Cloud 9, o2. Stray, oX. SAIKURU
oX. FLCL (Furi Kuri)
chars: o1. Haruko
ships: Haruko/Naota
songs: oX. Last Dinosaur, oX. Beautiful morning with you
oX. Haibane-Renmei
chars: o1. Reki
oX. Sailor Moon
chars: o1. Usagi, o2. Mamoru, o3. Rei, o4. Chibiusa
ships: Mamoru/Usagi
oX. Pokemon
chars: o1. Misty, oX. Jesse, oX. James, oX. Gary, oX. Ash
ships: Ash/Misty, James/Jesse
oX. Digimon
chars: o1. Matt, oX. Ken, oX. Tai, oX. TK
ships: Tai/Sora

manga:
o1. X
chars: o1. Subaru, o2. Karen, oX. just about everyone
ships: Seishirou/Subaru, Fuuma/Kamui, Sorata/Arashi,
Kakyou/Hokuto, Kusunagi/Yuzuriha, Karen/Seiichiro (one-sided),
Subaru/Kamui (one-sided), Karen/Nataku (motherly), Seishirou/Fuuma
o1. Tokyo Babylon
chars: all three (Subaru, Hokuto, Seishirou)
ships: Seishirou/Subaru, Seishirou/Hokuto, Hokuto/Subaru
o1. kanojo-tachi no X-DAY
chars: o1. Rika/11, oX. Mr. Money, oX. Polaris, oX. Jangalian
ships: Mr. Money/11, Jangalian/Polaris
o2. NANA
chars: o1. Nana, oX. Hachi, oX. Reira, oX. Shin, oX. Ren
ships: Nana/Ren, Reira/Shin
o3. Death Note
chars: o1. L, oX. Raito
ships: Raito/L
o3. Kodomo no Omocha
chars: o1. Akito & Sana, oX. Rei
ships: Akito/Sana
o3. Petshop of Horror
chars: o1. Count D
ships: D/Leon
o3. Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou
chars: o1. Yukino, oX. Reiji, oX. Maho, oX. Kazuma, oX. Tsubaki
ships: Kazuma/Tsubasa, Maho/Yusuke
oX. Mars
chars: o1. Rei, o2. Kira
ships: Rei/Kira
oX. Gravitation
chars: o1. Tohma & Yuki, oX. Shuuichi, oX. Ryuuichi, oX. Kumagorou
ships: Yuki/Shuuchi, Tohma/Yuki
oX. Gunslinger Girl
chars: o1. Henrietta, oX. Triela, oX. Rico
ships: Giuseppe/Henrietta
oX. Forbidden Dance
chars: o1. Akira, o2. Aya
ships: Akira/Aya
oX. Hot Gimmick
chars: o1. Ryouki, o2. Subaru
ships: Ryouki/Hatsumi
oX. Akuma no Ororon
chars: o1. Ororon, oX. Chiaki
ships: Ororon/Chiaki
oX. Sailor Moon
see above
oX. Card Captor Sakura
chars: o1. Sakura & Syaoran, oX. Tomoyo, oX. Sonomi, oX. Touya
ships: Syaoran/Sakura, Sonomi/Nadeshiko, Touya/Yukito, Tomoyo/Sakura
oX. Paradise Kiss
chars: o1. Joji
ships: Joji/Yukari
oX. Clover
oX. Ranma 1/2
oX. 20 Mensou ni Onegai!
oX. FAKE
oX. Magic Knight Rayearth
oX. Wish
oX. xxxHOLIC
oX. suki. dakara suki
oX. Gohou Drug
oX. Chobits
oX. I.N.V.U.
oX. Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
oX. Watashi no Suki na Hito
oX. Shutterbox
oX. Cowboy Bebop
see above
oX. CLAMP School Detectives
oX. Confidential Confessions

video games:
o1. Chrono Cross
chars: o1. Harle, o2. Serge, oX. FATE, oX. the tragediennes,
oX. just about everyone else
ships: Serge/Harle
o1. Final Fantasy IX
chars: o1. Zidane, oX. Kuja, oX. Garnet, oX. Vivi
ships: Zidane/Garnet
o1. Final Fantasy VII
chars: o1. Cloud & Tifa, o2. Sephiroth, o3. Zax, o4. Jenova
ships: Cloud/Tifa, Zax/Aerith
oX. The World Ends With You
chars: o1. Joshua, oX. Neku, oX. real Shiki, oX. Minamimoto
ships: Joshua/Neku
oX. Final Fantasy VIII
chars: o1. Rinoa
oX. Kingdom Hearts
chars: oX. Riku, oX. Cloud
ships: Riku/Sora
oX. Final Fantasy X
oX. Zelda: Link's Awakening
chars: o1. Link
ships: Link/Marin
oX. Pokemon
vers: Blue, Gold, Crystal, Sapphire, Pearl
oX. Final Fantasy IV
oX. Final Fantasy III
oX. Chrono Trigger
oX. Final Fantasy VI
oX. Final Fantasy XII

films:
oX. Breakfast at Tiffany's
oX. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
oX. 2046
oX. bu neng shuo de mi mi (Secret)
oX. The Dark Knight
oX. Brokeback Mountain
oX. Transformers
oX. The Fifth Element
oX. Batman Begins
oX. The Sixth Sense
oX. Spider-Man series
oX. in the mood for love
oX. Haoru no Ugoku Shiro (Howl's Moving Castle)
oX. Babel
oX. 10 Things I Hate About You
oX. Donnie Darko
oX. Cowboy Bebop: Tengoku no Tobira
oX. Wristcutters: a love story
oX. My Sassy Girl
oX. Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi (Spirited Away)
oX. me and you and everyone we know
oX. Interstella 5555: the 5tory of the 5ecret 5tar 5ystem
oX. Mr. & Mrs. Smith
oX. loveactually
oX. Mulan
oX. Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle
oX. Superbad
oX. Ye.Shanghai (The Longest Night in Shanghai)

television:
oX. Friends
oX. Arrested Development
oX. My Name is Kim Sam-Soon

actors:
oX. Audrey Hepburn
oX. Heath Ledger
oX. Tony Leung
oX. Tobey Maguire
oX. Brad Pitt
oX. Michael Cera
oX. Angelina Jolie
oX. Kate Winslet
oX. Kirsten Dunst
oX. Jennifer Aniston
oX. Johnny Depp
oX. Will Arnett
oX. Bruce Willis
oX. Hugh Grant
oX. Alan Rickman
oX. Anthony Wong
oX. Jake Gyllenhaal
oX. Gary Oldman
oX. Robert Downey, Jr.

directors:
oX. Wong Kar-Wai
oX. Christopher Nolan
oX. Miranda July

et cetera:
oX. consumption
favorite: anything with noodles, white sauce on pasta, cold sweet,
dianxin, seafood, unagi, hand-pulled la mian, cheese, yogurt, eggs, boba,
jjajangmyun & jambong, curry, ramen/ramyun, tiramisu, donburi, granola
cuisine: chinese, japanese, korean, italian, indian, greek
fruit: orange, banana, green grape, mango, all kinds of berries
flavor: coffee, taro, berry, almond
taste: bittersweet, spicy
smoothie: coffee milk tea + cookies & creme, with boba
drink: water, tea, milk tea, coffee
oX. language
favorite: English, Chinese
fluent: English, Shanghainese, Mandarin, Spanish, Japanese
learning: Korean, Italian, French, German
oX. setting
season: summer
time: night
location: water/shores, hills, roads
city: SH, CN; berkeley, oakland & sf, CA; PC
oX. arts
composer: Debussy, MacDowell
musical era: Impressionist, Baroque
oX. random favorites
animal: cat, platypus, fish, sea star, chicken, turtle
ridiculously overpriced character merchandise: hello kitty
tea shop: jieke (CN), bubble & crepe (norcal)
pokemon: squirtle, pikachu, mudkip, piplup, chingling, luxio

...jump back up?

v. maybe a mix of music will do the trick

what makes music so special that it warrants not just one but two sections on this page?

good question. unfortunately, i don't have the answer quite yet. (i'm a fan of asking in the rhetoric.)

i do know that i can't live without it and whether it's creating (piano/guitar/violin/bass) or listening, i probably will always love it, and it will always be the nourishment for my poor often-famished soul.

so here be music! tracklistings of mega mixtapes, current songs of the moment for me (mind, a "moment" of music can last maybe an hour and then my mood for music will change), just miscellaneous lists of music associated with certain times, just about anything. for most current up-to-the-minute information on what i'm listening to, check out my last.fm charts.

click the dates to see the moods, as this single page is getting long enough and i don't want to overexert its limits. (i'll probably have the info start popping up in a separate window eventually if it gets too out of hand) the word "mood" is very loosely defined here; it's basically just a particular moment in which i am listening to specific music. also, i tend to recycle certain songs in mixes, so there may be a few repeats.

moods:

o1. Stray - Steve Conte
o2. Mushaboom - Feist
o3. Cats on Mars - Kanno Youko
o4. Cats on Mars (DMX Krew Remix) - Kanno Youko
o5. Tank! (Luke Vibert Remix) - Kanno Youko
o6. Torukia - Gabriela Robin
o7. Space Lion - Kanno Youko

oX. Empty Streets - Late Night Alumni

another amazing song to walk to.
thank you vance for sending this to me.

oX. Doctors of Deliverance - Crooked Fingers

..can't twist yourself free from your hopes and your dreams
you must be who you are if you mean who you are
but killingly clad you went killing me sadly
unleashed in the light you cheated and won
your broken heart beating you ran to the darker
side of the station to watch the late trains
taking their leave they could take you to slaughter
tearing your flesh from a dress I'd sewn that you've sadly outgrown
all worn out with no place to go..

..you hid in the streets an invisible thief
unleashed and alive to cheat who you are
your broken heart beating you ran to the doctor
making believe you had swallowed the sun
taking your leave there could be better offers
creeping along to carry you out of this miserable place
you've buried your heart in the ground

oX. flying to you - Ilaria Graziano
oX. Goldfish - Kanno Youko
oX. San Francisco - Midicronica
oX. 2007 BBC Radio Mix 1 - Flying Lotus
oX. this current playlist (SAIKURU+My Room is White+Monochrome)
oX. TERIYAKI BOYZ's BEEF or CHICKEN album
+ 2oo8.o7.14.'s soundtrack

soundtrack: (consisting of some of my all-time favorite songs)
o1. shiki no uta - MINMI & Nujabes
o2. Battlecry - shing02 & Nujabes
o3. rakuen - Do As Infinity
o4. hiji zuru STYLE (feat. Suiken & S-word) - FORCE OF NATURE
o5. fly [small circle of friends] - tsutchie
o6. YOU ~himawari~ - kazami
o7. YOU -acoustic- (feat. kazami) - tsutchie
o8. Blue - Cowboy Bebop

never seen a bluer sky... and i truly hadn't that day.
ask myself what it's all for... you know the funny thing about it?
i couldn't answer. no, i couldn't answer...

o9. Imaginary Folklore - Clammbon

an amazing song to listen to while walking through the streets
of any lonely crowded town on a cool summer evening.

1o. Didn't It Rain - Kanno Youko
11. Where does this ocean go - Ghost in the Shell
12. Cloud 9 - Sakamoto Maaya
13. Hemisphere - Sakamoto Maaya
14. tune the rainbow - Sakamoto Maaya
15. saigo no mameshiba - Sakamoto Maaya
16. some other time - Gabriela Robin

mixtapes:
+ gifts * secret
2oo8.o6.19. continuation of the freshmen year 2004 mix below. everything ends where it began (a sequel). *
2oo8.o6.17. inspired by the nostalgic. way back when: flashbacks to being a freshman. *
2oo8.o6.11. (things left undone) +
2oo8.o6.1o. you'll find the last piece one day; jigsaw puzzles. + (five-part mix: find, trust, &then betrayal, aftermath, redemption)
2oo8.o6.o8. disapparating voices fading smouldering cigarette wrists.
2oo8.o5.o8. and maybe someday: let's drive to the beach when the hand moves midnight. (part o1+five parts+bonus)
2oo8.o5.o7. and maybe someday you'll find what you're looking for. (part o1)

miscellany:
some favorite mixes compiled by others:
most recent first
oX. hustler
oX. champloo*ism's character image EPs
oX. this isn't you (girl, what have you done to yourself)
oX. the orphaned anything's soundtrack
oX. sweet catastrophe

...jump back up?

vi. love you like water

"i don't know what messed me up so bad. i don't know what love is
and my whole concept of it is mortifyingly screwed up. i don't even know if
mortifyingly is a real word. but what i do know is that i do. love you, that is."
-s.s. anne
i haven't done any sort of tribute thing in ages. probably not since 2002 or so, actually (a true tribute, that is). it's ironic because back then i was younger and probably knew even less than i do now about love, if it's even possible to know less than nothing.

but over tumultous and turbulent times, i've realized the obvious importance of gratitude and appreciation for what i have, and all that is amazing and part of my life. i'll try not to be too cliche.

please be patient, as this section is under massive construction, and please don't be offended if i have yet to write a blurb about you here; if you're concerned, chances are i'm working on one for you anyway. poke me (literally) if you think i'm forgetting you!

click the heart ♥ for more in each dedication.

HEATHERINE. CATHCLIFF. TAKE YOUR PICK. the baby boo on the right is most certainly my baby boo, NAMI. twinny, kimz unni, immie bee. ic hi-c, je suis prince de la france, the mysterious hair product, eggsactly eggciting!

this glorious picture was taken on a night during which we both could not sleep. we spent the early morning hours in the parking lot of starbucks and safeway, just talking and listening to dying music from the car and via feeble nDS and cell phone. then we drove to the top of a high hill to watch the sun rise whilst listening to the spice girls' greatest hits. but that's just the mere story behind the photo... ♥

what words can describe what she means to me? most people underestimate our bond. phrases like best friends seem weak in comparison. oh, how i may compare thee to a summer's day.. or: oh, how i love thee, let me count the ways.. i'm probably misquoting but that's besides the point. she's the most intelligent, sesquepedalian, beautiful girl that exists in my world. like all normal and healthy relationships it has been far from the point of perfection, but that's okay. perfection is boring anyway, unless it exists in the form of a blend of pictures from 2004. then perfection is perfect.

there is very little i can actually express using language about our oh-so-epic love. thus, i will not try any more, enough has been said. (okay, now i just feel like i'm too lame and i'm just too bad at expressing myself to go on) but i love you, kneezy. duh.

some favorite moments:
2oo8.o6.3o. night/early morning
2oo8.o3.16. night/early morning (that's when the picture was taken!)
conveniently missing class so much during o7-o8 secondary schoolyear
talking to you every night on gmail so much that i was running on asia timezones, summer o7
you calling me the last day i was in china as i was sneaking out summer o6
your email when i was in china summer o6
my birthday party 2 months late, summer o6
an epic long phone conversation while i was still in bed, summer o6
sharing clam chowder soup bread bowls, fall o4
that one day before secondary school orientation fall o4
epic emailing when i was in china summer o4
that sleepover in spring o4 at your old house
2oo3 & 2oo4 birthday celebrations
that fateful day in fall 2oo2
seeing you for the first time in spring 2oo2
and many more, too many to list here.

song dedication:
o1. Someone - Sun Yan Zi
o2. Freestyle - Tai Mai Shu
o3. ZOCK ON! - TERIYAKI BOYZ feat. Pharrell & Busta (kimi wa kawaii baby)
o4. Fang Kai Ni De Xin - Wang Li Hong (baby wo ai ni)
o5. Baby I Like You Like That - SE7EN
o6. Always - BIG BANG
o7. I Got a Love - Jin feat. Kanye West
o8. Girl - F-IV
o9. Fan - Epik High
1o. Autobahn - Anberlin
11. We Belong Together - BIG BANG feat. Park Bom

CHAKUN, aka my BESTEST (little) BROTHER. we may not be real blood but we're better than blood! we're soul sisters!.. wait, he's a guy.. let me start over.

i met this kid one random day in san francisco and promptly made him my little brother the same day due to the fact that he met some of the incredibly strict criterion i had set in place: o1. he was younger than me, and o2. he hailed from my hometown. barely knowing me for a week we were already siblings and he was already celebrating my birthday with me and giving me gifts (the gift of toilet paper, no less!-- that's always useful). ♥

but other than that, this kid is an all-around good guy, kind-hearted and open-minded. he's human and thus makes his own fair share of mistakes just like anyone else, and granted our relationship hasn't been smooth the whole way, but i'm definitely eternally grateful to God that i was blessed with such a caring and amazing little brother (who's always willing to accompany me shopping). without his support and constant willingness to listen to me babble on, i'm sure i never would have gotten this far in my journey.

some favorite moments:
2oo8.o7.o1. epic berkeley trip
driving to stoneridge some time in the last few days of april o8
driving to your house during finals january 2oo8
first week of winter break 2oo7
some time in the last week of october 2oo7, more epic picnicking.
first week of october 2oo7, delicious dinner in milpitas after i finally finished my sentence from the evil testing serpent
september 2oo7 san francisco mid-autumn festival.
2oo7.o7.o7. epic excuse for picnicking. bubble & crepe.
2oo7.o4.28. the second of many san francisco trips to come.
2oo7.o4.21. fated encounter.. yuanfen?
summer o6 in which we probably passed by each other in shanghai and didn't even know it!

song dedication:
o1. Fairytale - Sara Bareilles
o2. Lian Ai Da Ren - Luo Zhi Xiang feat. Xiao S
o3. Anyone Else But You - Michael Cera & Ellen Page
o4. One More Night (Dance Mix) - Lobo Ismail
o5. Technologic - Daft Punk
o6. Can't Stay the Same - Saves The Day
o7. Love Song - Sara Bareilles

then there's a person whom i like to (sporadically) refer to as JOHN, EARISU, SIR SKY, JAM. what can i say about this fellow? certainly i have yet to meet anyone who could possibly be so.. uh.. insert word here. let's just say sui generis for now.

i have yet to share a camera-stolen soul with this sir yet, but in its place is a picture i sent him during one of our first discourses. encountered under unusual circumstances, parted for a few years due to unfortunate circumstances, re-found under similarly odd circumstances. the story is not-so-easily traced back to start-of-schoolyear chatrooms and a school library. ♥

this soul is definitely a kindred spirit to me. when i first met him i had never even considered the possibility that someone could understand me so well, and vice versa. he opened up my mind (like the saiyuuki song! ..haha) to different ways of thinking, experiences, stories. he introduced me to my now-favorite games. but more importantly, he instilled in me the belief, or truth, that i should always be myself, even if society will reject me.

we first began talking at a point in my life when i was especially pessimistic. his passion for life and experience completely changed how i felt about living.through our conversations i began to find faith and hope in life again. friendships are infinitely valuable if the mutual connection can change one of the people for the better, and our friendship did just that for me. fast forwarding a few years, our shared connection still never fails to open my eyes to something new. our friendship still allows me to continue to grow more than i ever imagined possible. send me a funny poem, some other time.

some favorite moments:
2oo7.11.2o. tennis & a stray cat
2oo7.11.o4. night/morning
2oo7.1o.31.-11.o1. night-morning-day-night-again
2oo7.1o.25. the night before my huge econeconecon essay was due, this guy talks to me out of the blue saying that coneconecone is an anagram!
homecoming in fall o7, seeing someone i recognize when i was in grain d'or
eating at grain d'or on homecoming in fall o4
many a mall trip in fall o4, complete with switching mp3 players
pinky promises
sharing music
countless conversations
meeting in the library the first week of school in september o4

song dedication: (um, yeah this might be a little massive)
o1. Polaris - Jimmy Eat World
o2. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeah
o3. Snow - FAKE?
o4. The Scientist - Coldplay
o5. Guilt - Fingertight
o6. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
o7. Everything - Lifehouse
o8. Blue - Cowboy Bebop
o9. Imaginary Folklore - Clammbon
1o. Didn't It Rain - Kanno Youko
11. Where does this ocean go - Ghost in the Shell
12. Cloud 9 - Sakamoto Maaya
13. Hemisphere - Sakamoto Maaya
14. tune the rainbow - Sakamoto Maaya
15. saigo no mameshiba - Sakamoto Maaya
16. some other time - Gabriela Robin
17. Dou Zhi Yin Wei Ni - Zhang Shao Han
18. Atashi wa koko yo - CHARA
19. I'm Still Here - Johnny Rzeznik
2o. Time's Scar - Chrono Cross
21. The Middle - Jimmy Eat World
22. Dreams Come True - S.E.S.
23. Over The Sky - Hitomi
24. Float On - Modest Mouse
25. Open up your mind - Saiyuuki
26. Simple & Clean - Utada Hikaru
27. 600 A.D. in Piano (OC ReMix) - kLuTz
28. Radical Dreamers - Chrono Cross
29. LUV TO ME - tiger YAMATO
3o. era (nostalMix) - Dance Dance Revolution
31. Every Heart ~minna no kimochi~ - BoA
32. Duvet - boa
33. The Garden of Everything - Sakamoto Maaya & Steve Conte
34. Last Dinosaur - The Pillows
35. After Love - Clazziquai
36. Sweetness - Jimmy Eat World
37. Burned With Desire (Rising Star Remix) - Armin van Buuren
38. Trouble - Coldplay
39. Gravity - Sakamoto Maaya
4o. Beautiful morning with you - The Pillows
41. Come to Me (Mellotron Remix) - Clazziquai
42. Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx
43. At the Beginning - Richard Marx & Donna Lewis
44. The Girl Who Stole The Stars - Chrono Cross
45. I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis
46. Ever After (Eric's Beach Mix) - Bonnie Bailey
47. Here We Go (feat. MC Hotdog) - Nan Quan Ma Ma
48. Itsumo - Dice and Knine
49. Naive Orleans - Anberlin
5o. Between the Lines - Sara Bareilles
51. Gravity - Sara Bareilles
52. edward, had you ever thought that the end of the world would come on 2o.9.o1? - my little airport
53. Kremlin Dusk - Utada Hikaru
54. Something About Us - Daft Punk
55. Roses - Meg & Dia
56. Living Inside the Shell - Ghost in the Shell
57. YOU ~himawari~ - kazami

other than january, april 2oo8 was the darkest cloud in this year so far, unfortunately. i felt very lost and desolate, and rather rejected, dejected, and abandoned.. until i met CATHERINE & HEATHCLIFF.

in a particularly melancholy moment in my life, i encountered these two, one with a white tint to its fins (cathy), the other a dark tint (heathy). they reminded me of the well-known and rather infamously self-destructive couple from emily bronte's wuthering heights. (though not quite as violent, of course.) their albeit small (physically) presence calms me. also, they're spoiled and have four-leaf clovers decorating their home.

more to add: (no order)
coyboy, ngoc, tom, alex t., dave/tara, alex m., vance, jerry, fi, sis, twinsy, mary, z, tin, U-jin, AC, AllyD, da ge, feng feng, jonakun, john p., kevin, mich, marianne, eirik, s.b., nara, patreecko, takumi, nedly, sonja, bro P., bro MJ, sis LeAnne, bro Shawn, bro Anthony, sis Louise, sis Munch, sis Ren, sis Rose, sis Paula...

still under construction, please be patient...

...jump back up?

vii. nicer travel hotspots to visit

o1. amazing sites by amazing people

oX. nami.subaru-kun.org: nami's breathtaking art (currently unavailable)
oX. hysteria.subaru-kun.org: ngoc's personal site (in construction)
oX. beyond-sanity.org: nara's personal domain
oX. tom.moonshadow-garden.net: tom's personal site
oX. pyreflies.nu: nara's fandom domain
oX. sui.livejournal.com/friends: livejournal friends

o2. other places of mine to go and see

oX. subaru-kun.org: collective and root
oX. elven-girl.com: original collective, est. 2oo2
oX. x.nabsegda-vashi.com: journal, est. 2oo4
oX. zine.subaru-kun.org: S.O.A.P., modest attempt at artzine
oX. last.fm/user/shuideshui: last.fm, current music charts
oX. sui.livejournal.com: livejournal, rarely/never updated, always lurking
oX. flickr.com/photos/northyrn: flickr, infrequently updated
oX. wretch.cc/blog/generis: fake * fairytales, quotes and miscellany
oX. 43things.com/person/suizilla: 43 things to do
oX. xanga.com/mind_anesthetic: xanga, never updated
oX. berryyogurt.deviantart.com: deviantart, rarely updated

o3. places where i love to lurk or just plain love

oX. big-big-truck.org/champloo: champloo*ism, a wonderful SamCham site
oX. community.livejournal.com/sortofbeautiful: the only reason i tolerate twilight
oX. somethingfishy.org: help and support for all EDs

...jump back up?

contact, credits, &c.

start: chair of contents

i. where have i come to?

ii. now playing...

iii. who exactly is behind this ridiculosity?!

iv. lists of all sorts of things

I. poetry, plays, & prose

II. anime, manga, & video games

III. films & television

IV. miscellaneous

v. maybe a mix of music will do the trick

vi. love you like water

vii. nicer travel hotspots to visit

o1. amazing sites by amazing people

o2. other places of mine to go and see

o3. places where i love to lurk or just plain love